suddenly

Suddenly Life Has New Meaning to Me


I just remembered that Monday would have been my two year wedding anniversary. I didn’t think of it or the man at all. I think that’s a good sign that my healing is substantially complete and I’m on to brighter days.

Most likely it happened because I’m dating a man who completely obliterates all other men from my memory.

While looking up music today, I ran across this beautiful rendition of this 80’s favorite, Billy Ocean’s, “Suddenly.”

Seems to fit this relationship that came out of nowhere when I least expected it.

Lyrics to Billy Ocean’s Suddenly

I used to think that love was just a fairy tale
Until that first hello until that first smile
But if I had to do it all again I wouldn’t change a thing
Cause this love is everlasting

Suddenly life has new meaning to me
There’s beauty up above and things we never take notice of
You wake up suddenly you’re in love

Girl you’re everything a man could want and more
One thousand words are not enough to say what I feel inside
Holding hands as we walk along the shore
Never felt like this before now you’re all I’m living for

Each day I pray this love affair would last forever

There’s beauty up above and things you never take notice of
You wake and suddenly you’re in love

Written by Maurice Ernest Gibb, Robin Hugh Gibb, Barry Alan Gibb

 

Featured Photo Copyright: Marta_Photo/BigStockPhoto.com


Sad Goodbyes


My heart breaks
As my son holds his son
Saying goodbye to the cherub we love.
He will grow inches and feet
Without his father beside him.
Tears for the memories that will never be
The goodnight kisses
The warm little hugs
The nighttime baths
The rowdy little feet
The sleep unobserved
The bubbles unpopped
Birthdays uncelebrated.
Where does one place the pain
Of a relentlessly breaking heart?

#HealingMyHeart


The Shack Movie - walk on water

The Shack Movie: Walk on Water


I watched The Shack movie Saturday for the first time. I’ve never read the book. There was a scene in the movie where Jesus suggests the main character, Mack, take Jesus’ boat out on the lake and fish if he’d like.
 
Mack goes alone and then some dark memories from an incident on the lake start to overtake him. Suddenly the water turns black and gross. His boat starts to break apart and sink. Just when he’s starting to panic, sure he’ll have to swim in this blackness, Jesus appears and tells Mack to look at him.
 
Mack asks, “Why are you doing this to me?”

Jesus says he’s not doing it to him, that it’s all inside of Mack – that it can’t hurt him, that it’s not real and to look at Him.

Mack insists, “You told me to come out here!”
 
Finally Mack looks at Jesus. The boat is fixed and the blackness goes away. All is calm and still. Jesus takes Mack out on the water and they walk across the lake together. A little later, Jesus and Mack have a wonderful foot race across the lake.
 
I’ve pondered on this scene a lot since watching the movie. I knew it held an important message for me. First, I could see where the “void” my husband said he felt inside himself was caused by his own fears, insecurities and resentments. His inner storm destroyed our marriage.
 
There were no real problems. They were all inside him.
 
Then, yesterday I realized there was a message for me in this scene. While, yes, it might apply to my husband’s choices, it also told me something important about mine.
 
I felt very strongly that God told me to marry my second husband. I cannot deny the overwhelming divine download of love that came to me after praying for 24 days about whether to open my heart to him.
 
I have been like Mack at times since our breakup, “Why did you do this to me? You told me to come out here! You caused this!”
 
Yes, God did tell me to come out here… out in the middle of the lake where my husband’s inner doubts, fears, insecurities and harbored resentments would sink the ship of our marriage. And, yes God knew all along it would happen. He did not cause it to happen, but He knew it would.
 
That’s okay, because Christ is here and something beautiful is coming from it. Would Mack have ever walked on water if he hadn’t learned to keep his eyes on Christ in his darkest moment? Would he later race across the water, running alongside Jesus to the other side? I think not.
 
Out of the sinking ship of my marriage, my trust in Jesus Christ has grown to a level it has never reached before. My eyes are fixed on Him and I feel like we’re walking on water together.
 
I look forward to that footrace across the lake with Him. I can’t wait to see where it leads.
If you get a chance to see The Shack, I really enjoyed it. I hope you will too.


getting over a breakup

Getting Over a Breakup: A Poem at Parting


Getting over a breakup can be incredibly painful if you weren’t the one who initiated it. One of the most perplexing challenges for me has been knowing where to put the memories and the love.

Everything that once felt so beautiful and good, suddenly became tainted, suspect and/or painful. As I’ve begun to embrace the concepts of divine love, I’m realizing I can still celebrate the love we shared without the associated pain.

Yesterday, as I drove away from my husband and the home we shared for the final time, I felt a single tear on my cheek. I wasn’t even thinking sad thoughts. It just appeared.

As I was about to arrive at my destination, this poem began to form in my mind. After parking outside my sister’s house, I sat in the car for a few minutes while everyone else went inside, and finished it. I think it does a good job of summing up how I felt at this juncture and how I’m getting over a breakup.

Take this tear from my cheek
That slips unbidden from my eyes.
Proof of my love it does speak.
Heaven, capture it in a bottle for me.

Yes, I knew you once.
I spent nights in your arms.
Felt the beat of your heart against mine.
This drop proves there are ties that do bind.

I bid you farewell now
My lover and friend.
A place in my heart
you will have to the end.

I’m not looking back
In pain anymore.
Now I celebrate the love
I was blessed to explore.

I leave you to your path
As I take mine.
I’ll carry this love inside,
And share it with another in time.

Marnie Pehrson, June 4, 2017

If you need help letting go of the past and moving past a breakup, a divorce or a major loss, hop on my calendar for a free 20-minute strategy session.


letting go

Moving On Isn’t The Same As Letting Go


If you’re in a relationship with someone new and you’re still hanging onto someone from your past, don’t think it won’t bleed through and kill the relationship you’re in. Letting go is critical, and moving on isn’t letting go.

I was listening to this song today, and it hit home. It verbalizes one of the key reasons for my marriage ending. If you want to have a happy relationship, you have to let those old flames go — even the ones you despise. One of THE best ways to do that is to read Dr. John Demartini’s “The Breakthrough Experience.”

Are you ready to release the past and move forward unencumbered?

One Thing She’ll Never Know

Josh Krajcik

She knows how to make me happy, how to make me laugh
She knows that she’s my future
She knows about my past
She knows when I’m weak
I’ll never ask for help
She knows what I believe in, even though I doubt myself
And when she asks, I always tell the truth
Except when it comes to you
Even though I fight it

Sometimes, I still wake up
Forget I’m living my life without you
But she’s here, and I love her
So why am I still thinking bout you
Maybe moving on ain’t the same as letting go
But that’s One Thing She’ll Never Know
She knows I’m far from perfect

She knows I’m proud
She knows when something’s wrong
Even if she don’t say it out loud
Knows that I’m faithful
Knows I don’t lie
But you wanna keep a good woman
Some things you gotta hide
And when she asks, I always tell the truth
Except when it comes to you
Even though I fight it

Sometimes, I still wake up
Forget I’m living my life without you
But she’s here, and I love her
So why am I still thinking ’bout you
Maybe moving on ain’t the same as letting go
But that’s One Thing She’ll Never Know

I don’t wanna cause a pain you don’t deserve
So I won’t speak tonight, if it’s gonna take me away from her
Oh what she don’t know, don’t hurt her
But she don’t know, what hurt her
That I don’t wanna hurt her
Even though I fight

Sometimes, I still wake up
Forget I’m living my life without you
But she’s here, and I love her
So why am I still thinking ’bout you
Maybe moving on ain’t the same as letting go
But that’s One Thing She’ll Never Know

Sometimes, I still wake up
Forget I’m living my life without you
But she’s here, and I love her
So why am I still thinking ’bout you
Maybe moving on ain’t the same as letting go
But that’s One Thing She’ll Never Know
Never know

Songwriters: Andrew Frampton / Joshua Krajcik / Joshua Andrew Krajcik / Julian C Bunetta / Stephan Alan Kipner

 

Are you ready to release the past and move forward unencumbered?


collaboration

My Healing Journey


If I look back on who I was 6-7 years ago before I started on a serious path of self-discovery and growth, I was emotionally numb.

I was a leader. I was incredibly successful in my career. In many ways I felt fearless. I was earning a good living. I felt good about who I was, I knew how to be vulnerable in my writing and voice, and had a strong connection to God.

But I was not happy in my marriage. There was no connection there. No passion. No vitality. I had a community of women and colleagues that I leaned on. But in my day to day life “loneliness” is probably the best descriptor for how I felt. I felt like an ox pulling a wagon and dragging a dead ox alongside me. While I made good money it was mismanaged because I had no clear boundaries or communication with my husband on how it was spent.

I, in essence, gave up everything I had going for me in search of the one thing I lacked — a loving, connected relationship with a man I highly respected and would pull his weight alongside me. That is why I married my second husband and why I was so grateful every moment I had him in my life.

Tapping into my femininity has been a huge part of my journey and still is.

Tapping into my emotions has been a big part of it. Energy work helped me learn to identify emotions, discover what they’re telling me and release trapped emotions.

For the last couple months I’ve been in Jennifer Lamprey‘s The Quickening membership. Going through my recent challenges while having this group for support has shifted something important for me.

It now feels safe to express a full range of emotions. I’m not scared of feeling and expressing my emotions anymore. I don’t feel like I have to stay positive all the time or my world will fall apart.

More than ever I’m leading from my feminine qualities and am aligned with my divine purpose. As a result, things are flowing more easily for me and with more abundance.

I’m getting clearer on the values l want to live in. When I’m clear on the values I want to experience, they show up in unexpected ways. Now I have eyes to see and be grateful for them. I see that nothing is lost or denied me when I am clear and acknowledge divine compensation in everything.

Are you ready to release the past and move forward unencumbered?


mentors

Mentors: When the Student Is Ready The Teacher Appears


On October 6, 2015 I posted this to my Facebook wall:

“I’ve taken the hero’s journey enough to know that when you have that unsettled feeling that everything is about to change but you’re groping for clarity in the dark, invariably life sends a mentor. It dawned on me this morning that it’s just about time for the mentor to enter the scene. Wonder who it will be. Excited to see….”

My husband replied “Yoda, I am.”

That was his call sign at work at the time. In retrospect I see now he was that mentor sent to help me let go of the past. Some of that he actively did by coaching me through letting go of my house and property and moving on to a new home and a new life. He also helped me see that while I had adequately grieved my first marriage, I had not grieved the loss of IdeaMarketers.com (the big web site that I’d built my business around and then lost).

It’s ironic that he coached me through letting go when it was the single biggest thing he had trouble doing. His obsession with the past, old hurts, old things, old stories, people who had hurt him, resentment toward the Church, drama, etc made it impossible to build a future together. In the end he taught me the biggest lesson in letting go — forcing me to release him and my mother simultaneously.

No mentor is without their human element. And that’s another thing he gave me the opportunity to experience — loving someone for everything they are. The light and shadows, the support and the challenge, the wisdom and the folly.

I had the opportunity to tell him recently, “You were a gift while I had you, and you’re a gift in letting me go. Thank you.”

I’m very fortunate he did learn to finally let something go. I was not meant to travel that path with him any longer. I’m glad he saw it even though I probably never would have.

I’m thankful for the mentors who helped me transition losing him and my mom. Big shout out to Jennifer Lamprey and Dr John Demartini’s priceless book The Breakthrough Experience.”

God has always been so generous to send me the right people at the right time with the right message. Cheers to the mentors!

Are you ready to release the past and move forward unencumbered?


How Deep Is Your Love

How Deep Is Your Love?


I had an experience last night where all the love I have for my husband came flooding back. It’s like my love for him is stored in the cells of my body and my whole body had this big wail of a cry. It was one of the most intense emotional-physical experiences of my life and led to some phenomenal release of love and emotions I didn’t even realize were still there, unprocessed.

It makes sense the love is still there. It doesn’t just go away because the other person says they don’t love you anymore. Even if you know it is going to work out better for you in the end, the love doesn’t just disappear because you work through the logic of everything being all right.

Since I’ve worked through the pros and cons of the relationship and come to a place where I can see it realistically and with gratitude for him and all of the experience, what happened last night was not left over infatuation. It was divine love remaining in me. It’s hard to put it into words. It didn’t leave me longing to be with him or putting him on any kind of pedestal.

It was just genuine love as well as grieving for the love we once shared. At first I found myself praying for God to take away this love. Yet, there is a part of me that doesn’t want to let the love go. I want to hang onto it because it’s a deeper love than I’ve ever had for any man. It was a major accomplishment for me to open myself up fully to love this way — with all my heart, body and soul.

I’m frankly quite proud of myself for being able to love so deeply. So today I’m celebrating the ability to love. I’m sure this love for him will fade with time or transform into something different, as it should. But it’s wonderful knowing the depth of love I am capable of experiencing. I have a lot to give the right man who is capable of receiving and loving fully.

How Deep Is Your Love?

I hope that when and if the time comes for me to give my heart to another man, I will be able to know like the old Bee Gee’s song says, “How Deep Is Your Love?” Hopefully the next man I give my heart to can go past the honeymoon stage and engage in a love that lasts through good times and bad. Hopefully, that man will have the depth, loyalty and commitment that a good marriage requires. I know I have it in me. I just need to meet my match.


breakthrough to freedom

Breakthrough to Freedom: Leaving the Past Behind


Over the last several weeks I’ve been working my way through Dr. John Demartini’s book, The Breakthrough Experience. This is the biggest breakthrough to freedom I have ever had. If everything I’ve been through has been to bring me to this book, it was worth it. I have gained so many insights. Such rich understanding has come to me about life, love and why things happen the way they do.

In this video I share how I was finally able to let my husband go, see him as a gift and release all the hurt, anger and resentment. Interestingly enough, this happened for me 2 months to-the-day-after he told me he wanted out.

I have carried things from previous relationships forward before and I did not want to do that. I wanted to let all of this go, let everything from the past go and I’m able to do that. Not bad for 2 months!

I have decided I will never remarry anyone who has not read this book and worked through it. I believe carrying baggage from the past was the primary reason for the demise of our marriage. We both carried it. Two people can’t build a solid, happy future when they are stuck in the past.


gratitude

Gratitude Is a Choice That Leads to Love


My two boys have been living with my sister for the last couple months and I see them on weekends. It’s been so weird not having them with me.

My older son graduates on the 27th and then their dad wants to bring them to Utah for the summer. My graduate is off to UGA in the fall. I’m grateful he’ll be within driving distance instead of across the country like my older boys.

There are so many mixed emotions. I’m bummed I missed the end of his senior year. But I know my boys are happy with their cousins and aunt and uncle. I’m grateful they had somewhere to go to finish up the school year while I came to Tennessee to be with my dad.

On one hand I feel like I’m being led in a direction where “home” looks very different. Traveling, teaching, speaking, writing is my future. Already this week, I’ve gotten invitations to visit several places I’d love to go if everything lines up. I feel an immense amount of freedom and flexibility in my future.

On the other hand, my youngest son still has 2 more years of school, and I need to find somewhere to land in GA for him to do that. I’m sure that will fall into place when the time comes.

Grateful for Freedom

Overall, I’m feeling more grateful every day for my freedom. I’m seeing what a gift it is and how I never could have fully stepped into what brings me joy and my divine purpose in the marriage. Yet, I look back over the last two years, and I can honestly say I was happy, that I was blessed. And I believe even more happiness is on the horizon.

I’m realizing I was happy because overall I am a happy person. I took some advice to heart that was given to me at 17… “continue to look for the good.”

When I look for the good, I am grateful. When I’m grateful, I am happy. Gratitude, like love, is a choice. In fact, gratitude leads to love in my experience.

I carry that with me wherever I go. So even if there are circumstances in which other people are miserable, I can still find a way to be happy in those same circumstances. Someone told me once that the entire time they’d known my husband, he was miserable… until he met me. Then he was happier than they’d ever seen him. Evidently, he carried that misery and ingratitude deep inside him, and it eventually destroyed our marriage.

Two people, same circumstances. One is happy and blessed and the other is miserable… the distinction is gratitude.

Sure, there are times I’m depressed, miserable, upset, angry, scared, and hurt just like everyone else. But I know… KNOW … it’s not my nature to stay there. I have a homing beacon for silver linings. I’m so grateful to be seeing them everywhere. My future is getting brighter by the day.