Love / Rejection

romantic connection

Romantic Connections: Pools and Oceans

I believe that no experience is wasted if we can learn something from it, and especially if we can take what we’ve learned and use it to help others.

In my rocky road of relationships, I’ve had lots of experiences, many of which I couldn’t really understand or explain what happened. I just knew they didn’t work. Oh, I had some guesses, but not full understanding. Relationships are complex, and it’s rarely just one thing that goes wrong. It’s often a whole suite of things.

As I’m with a completely different type of man than I’ve ever been with before, I can’t help but use this experience to draw conclusions about what might have been happening in previous relationships.

Perhaps what I’ve gleaned could be of use to someone who has not yet chosen a mate… especially a single person who is a deep thinker. If you’re single and love analyzing situations and personalities, like knowing the why’s of life, and often see patterns in the world around you, this could be helpful to you.

One of the biggest things I’ve heard from men in the past is, “Wow, you really analyze a lot.” I figured this was a nice way of saying, “You’re WAY over-thinking this.” This is probably a true statement many times, but let’s not make a judgement call on that. That’s my personality type that came with me at birth. It’s who I am – a truth seeker, an inquiring mind. There’s not much hope of changing that.

The question to ask is why did I keep selecting men who were NOT deep thinkers? Why did I select men who could only self-examine so far, or only discuss a subject to a certain point (if at all)?

Pools Vs. Oceans

Lets compare conversations and connection in relationships to swimming. Some people are like swimming pools and others are like oceans. The men I’ve chosen in the past were like swimming pools. There was the shallow end, and a deeper end. But once you scoped out the sides and bottom of the pool, that was that. There was no capability of diving any deeper. And, believe me, I want to dive deeper. Give me an ocean of possibilities to swim in.

While swimming in a pool is fun and enjoyable and stable, I’m going to get bored with it in time. Also, the swimming pool guy is going to get tired of me picking at the pool lining trying to see if there’s any more substance below.

So back to that question… WHY did I choose to hang out in pools when I really wanted an ocean of possibility?

Because it was easier. When you are someone whose mind spins nearly every waking moment, it is helpful to have someone you can just veg out with, turn off your brain, and do something rather routine. You know you can’t talk about the work you do or the deeper thoughts with them, so you shut off that side of yourself and get a nice relaxing vacation from the intensity of who you are. You focus on the areas you do connect — often physical or chemical.

Another reason I entered relationships with these men is it felt safer. Pools are safer than oceans of unknown possibilities. There’s no hard conversations, no exploration of hard topics with these men. When you delve into the world of hard conversations, there’s more likelihood some contention could arise. I’ve never been one for contention. It’s easier to glaze over hard subjects, stick my head in the sand, and hope tough issues go away.

The problem is they don’t go away. And when a person like me has no real connection on an intellectual or spiritual level, there is a problem. While the pool guy and I might have an emotional or physical connection, my intellect and spirit has nowhere to connect with this person. I do my best to adapt, but in time, this disconnect erodes the relationship. Chemistry and physical connection can only go so far.

I look at the various aspects of a relationships like pistons in an engine. You’ve got these relationship pistons:

  • emotional
  • physical
  • spiritual
  • intellectual
  • chemical

I’ve found that when my relationships aren’t firing on all pistons, I start distancing myself from my partner. I shut down parts of myself because there is nowhere for that energy to go. The result is feeling down or even depressed. Eventually, I reroute the energy into other relationships — like talking to girlfriends, clients, writing, speaking, etc. In the end, I’ll constantly go to my friends when I want to talk instead of going to my spouse.

In my second marriage, I was determined not to do this. I focused on connecting in all areas. I kept talking to my husband about these various subjects. In the end, he couldn’t take it anymore. His only explanation at parting was, “You’re so smart, I don’t get what you do.” In other words, I was sending out way too much energy and information, flooding his engine in areas that simply didn’t have the capacity to handle my intensity.

I’m sure there is some way to strike a balance in relationships that aren’t matched in all areas. There are millions of couples who have happy marriages who do not connect on all levels. I’m not advising anyone to toss their relationship out the window, but if I had it all to do over again from the beginning (which fortunately I do) I would recommend looking for someone who is equally matched in each of these areas.

Thank heavens, I’ve finally found a man with oceans of possibilities in all these areas. I look forward to swimming in deep waters from here to eternity. I hope I can keep up!

 

 

 

resurrecting the dream

Resurrecting the Dream

Sometimes when you go for big dreams, they have to die first. Here’s my personal story of going for a dream, letting it die and resurrecting the dream.

A Decision for a Better Life

In August of 2011, life was good, my business was thriving, but I was not happy in my personal life. My marriage was completely disconnected and I had gained weight and was tired much of the time. On a ride home from a beach vacation, I made a decision that my life would change. The moment I made the decision, an inspired vision entered my mind of the life I would have instead. It came with such clarity that it propelled me into action.

Catching the Vision

I saw myself in a loving, connected relationship with a high energy man. We would travel together, share a love for nature, and work, teach and speak alongside each other. We would fix up my home and property, and create a place that was self-sustainable, a haven of hope, healing and refuge for those who needed it. While this vision came from somewhere outside of me (I believe from God) it was also something that pointed to the core desires of my heart.

I had always wanted to turn my home into a retreat house once the kids were grown and had lots of ideas for ways to fix it up. My family was well-aware of my ideas for home improvements, but I shared with no one the vision of the place of refuge our 7 acre property would be. I had both night dreams and daytime visions of this.

Taking Responsibility for My Own Life

Since my husband at the time enjoyed traveling, I thought he might be this person… that he might change his ways, that we might be able to reconnect, and that the life I envisioned might happen with him. I doubted it, but I certainly was not going to rule that out.

I knew I couldn’t control my husband, but I could control me. I didn’t have the energy to keep up with who and what I envisioned. I needed to get in shape, get healthier and work on myself. I thought perhaps if I did these things, my husband would follow suit.

Within a month or two I was going to the gym on a regular basis and eventually dropped at least 50 pounds over the course of the next few years. I paid for my husband to get some medical help with his weight, but that only lasted a few weeks before he lost interest. My vision was not his vision.

While I journaled much of what I envisioned, even more of it was in my mind… and none of the grand vision for the property got shared with anyone else.

The Quest

When things did not work out in my first marriage, I fully anticipated entering the dating world and finding the “dream man” I had seen repeatedly in visions beginning with the first one in 2011.  I had this feeling he was out there waiting for me and that we would find each other soon.

Man after man became a candidate. I met men with certain aspects of what I envisioned, but never all of them. None of them seemed interested in my property or what I anticipated doing with it. While I never shared all of my vision with them, there were a few I told about my desire to turn my home into a retreat house.

Settling for Less than the Vision

Every man I was with wanted me to move from my property. Finally, I gave up on my dream. I decided what I wanted most was a connected relationship with a good, honest, hard-working man. Everything else I could let go. My heart had been hammered during the dating process, and I just wanted some peace.

I had a personal knowing that I couldn’t fully be who I am here to be until I wasn’t a single ox hauling a cart, but worked in synergistic tandem with a partner. That’s not true for everyone, but it was true for me. I’m a head strong woman, and I’ve paved my own way for decades. So this wasn’t neediness or dependence on my part. It was an inner knowing that would not go away.

The Death of the Dream

The problem was, in all my dating, I forgot my vision. I gave up on it and assumed it was only my silly imagination. I lowered my expectations. The exceptional life I had been shown got replaced in my expectations with a desire for a decent, peaceful life with someone who would be good to me and wouldn’t make me carry the load all by myself.

I remarried with this dimmed-down objective in mind. I didn’t worry if the man I married caught my vision or even cared about it. When he insisted we move away from my home and property, I reluctantly relinquished my vision and let it die. The vision was wrapped up in the property, and now the best I could envision was perhaps retiring to the beach with my second husband someday, since we both liked the beach.

After about 18 months of marriage, he had the courage to do what I should have known to do — get out. We were two people who did not have a shared vision or objective. I may have given up on my dream, but God had not. Sometimes I think my second husband was inspired to end the marriage — a radical idea — but I cannot deny the miracle of the timing.

I eventually thanked my second husband for ending our marriage. He was a blessing while he was in my life and he was an even greater blessing in letting me go. I was not supposed to travel that path anymore.

Resurrecting the Dream

traveling

Roadtrip with Dave in his convertible

Not even a month after my divorce was final, I met a man who loves traveling, shared my vision for doing writer retreats, is in a similar line of work as me and shares my faith.

The first day this man stepped on the property that I had given up on, he articulated the identical vision that I had in my head — without me ever telling him anything. I was so floored by his vision of the property as a place of healing, refuge and hope, I broke down and wept. I could not believe my ears.

In time, after dating for several months, this man asked me to marry him. My answer was an enthusiastic, “Yes, hell YES!” I could not begin to deny he was the man I had seen coming. I had contorted and tried to make every other man fit into the vision. There is no need to make this man fit. He IS the vision. He proves it constantly by his actions and continual investment in me and our goals.

bargain hunting

Dave’s bargain area rug find for the house

Currently, we are working together toward our shared vision for the property. We are both headstrong people with different ideas about what that should look like. At first I was stuck in my ideas about how the house and property used to be (in better days), whereas he has ideas about what it can be. I got frustrated because things were run down and overgrown. He sees it as a blank canvas to create upon.

Together we are co-creating a new shared vision. While the overall objective is the same, the details (which I never really saw) are something we’re co-creating together. The great thing is he is talented with landscaping, natural habitat creation (his father was a forest ranger), and he loves to bargain hunt and find the best buys on everything from flooring to furniture.

landscaping

Dave clearing a path to the creek

As a woman who has spent her life in the driver’s seat, it’s a new (and sometimes challenging) experience co-creating with a companion. Fortunately our communication is exceptional, and we are willing to have the hard conversations (something that did not happen in my prior marriages). I have great hope that two strong people with a shared vision (which we both believe comes from God), a deep love and respect for each other, a desire to stay close to the Lord, and open communication can forge ahead and make big dreams a reality.

The great thing is we’re doing it… we’re in the thick of the weeds doing it… and the vision is there … unfolding as we go.

The song “I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You” by Savage Garden sums it up …

I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

peace in a relationship

Working for Peace in a Romantic Relationship

I’ve always considered myself an easy going, low maintenance person. I get along with most people and I’ve wanted to keep the peace. I do have my opinions on some things. While I’ll listen to other views and sometimes adjust mine, I can be insistent on things that are key values for me. Yes, I’m strong-willed and can be stubborn on things that really matter to me.

I’m in a relationship with a man with a strong personality, opinions and values of his own. About 90 percent of the time we’re having these great conversations where we build off what each other has to say to new understanding and epiphanies about emotional, spiritual, intellectual and business topics.

As we spend more time together, we run into the other 10 percent where we don’t immediately see eye to eye and we butt heads or something rubs us the wrong way about the other person’s personality, or way of processing emotions.

And then we stop and discuss that, really share how each of us is feeling, what’s coming up for us, what we feel is going on. It’s raw, vulnerable and totally honest.

We respect each other’s views and feelings, and eventually we come to this place of rich understanding and deeper place of connection and love. It’s not one person caving or compromising. It’s creating mutual understanding and win-win solutions.

It’s work, hard work, but it’s incredibly rewarding. It pays off with the deepest love and connection I’ve ever known.

I think back on my last marriage where there wasn’t a single argument. Maybe a difference of opinion, but not one that went into a conversation that worked through deep concerns.

I thought I was in a peaceful, loving relationship. He obviously had something that was festering beneath the surface unspoken. 18 months in, one Saturday morning he was done… without explanation, without a chance to work anything through, without an opportunity to clarify or create understanding or a deeper love. Maybe I wasn’t so “low-maintenance” and easy to get along with as I thought I was. I’ll never know.

I’d rather have the relationship that is alive and brings up the occasional issue or emotion that is worked through together, than constant “peace” that is merely an illusion.

I’m 51 years old and I feel like I’m finally learning to communicate. Not because I’ve figured it out, but because I’m with a man with incredible communication skills. And there is something about “us”… these two independent, head strong, amazing people… that makes mediocrity and “settling for good enough” impossible.

I’m finally with someone who feels like a partner in the adventure, a companion on the mission God is calling us on together. We’re both open to wherever God chooses to lead. I’ve never been with a man who is so quick to fall to his knees, and invite me to join him in seeking God’s input or express gratitude.

This level of collaboration with each other and with God takes two people who are willing to put Him first and willing to have the tough conversations to create 100% unity, trust and honesty.

I’m discovering that peace at any price is not peace. True peace comes when both parties are willing to pay the price to respectfully create understanding.

I’ve got a lot to learn, and I’m grateful to have an amazing man in my life to learn it with. It’s not anything I could ever learn as a single woman… which is what I had full intention of being for several more years. God had other plans

suddenly

Suddenly Life Has New Meaning to Me

I just remembered that Monday would have been my two year wedding anniversary. I didn’t think of it or the man at all. I think that’s a good sign that my healing is substantially complete and I’m on to brighter days.

Most likely it happened because I’m dating a man who completely obliterates all other men from my memory.

While looking up music today, I ran across this beautiful rendition of this 80’s favorite, Billy Ocean’s, “Suddenly.”

Seems to fit this relationship that came out of nowhere when I least expected it.

Lyrics to Billy Ocean’s Suddenly

I used to think that love was just a fairy tale
Until that first hello until that first smile
But if I had to do it all again I wouldn’t change a thing
Cause this love is everlasting

Suddenly life has new meaning to me
There’s beauty up above and things we never take notice of
You wake up suddenly you’re in love

Girl you’re everything a man could want and more
One thousand words are not enough to say what I feel inside
Holding hands as we walk along the shore
Never felt like this before now you’re all I’m living for

Each day I pray this love affair would last forever

There’s beauty up above and things you never take notice of
You wake and suddenly you’re in love

Written by Maurice Ernest Gibb, Robin Hugh Gibb, Barry Alan Gibb

 

Featured Photo Copyright: Marta_Photo/BigStockPhoto.com

depth of understanding

Depth of Understanding

My last post was a vulnerable leap for me. There are some people who think I’m rushing into dating too fast after what I’ve been through. I get “be careful’s” and cautions.

Reaching a Point of Acceptance

I honestly had no intention of moving into another relationship for another 2-3 years. I had reached a place where I felt content with myself, and could see the compensating blessings all around me. I had this amazing feeling June 29th that I had everything I needed and would always have everything I needed — whether I ever had another romantic relationship or not.

The law of compensating blessings taught me this. Nothing is ever created or destroyed. When we “lose” anything or anyone, all the characteristics we value are brought to us in another form and usually from multiple places. Nothing is lost. When we finally gratefully see that we have everything we need, we open ourselves up to receiving our heart’s desires.

While I was content where I was, God seemed to have very different plans. I have never had anything in my life feel so divinely orchestrated than the events of the last few months.

The Last Remnants of Grief

As I’ve moved forward in this new relationship, I have swung between really embracing the relationship to feeling like I need to maintain a level of skepticism.

Today, during an energy session with Christie Turley Diamond (TheHealingCoach), she was able to articulate why I’m in this connect-disconnect dance.

She verified that I’ve worked through an immense amount of grief. There remained only one small thing — a nagging question. “Why did my last relationship have to go to the level of betrayal that it did?  Had I been more aware, could I have avoided the deep betrayal?” (Betrayal in this instance being denial of love … not an affair that I know of.)

Because “betrayal without explanation” was hanging out there, I’ve felt the need to be hyper vigilant, ask the tough questions, and look at the upsides and downsides of everything. Seems like a smart thing to do – right? I’ll be honest though, it sucks some of the joy out of falling in love, but at least I feel like I’m keeping my head on straight.

A Healthy Realism

There are so many wonderful things about the man I’m dating, I could gush on and on about him. But I know when I do that, people are going to say, “You’re rebounding. You’re infatuated and seeing what you want to see and not looking at all aspects.”

But I am looking at all aspects. I’m seeking out the shadows and the challenges, making sure I’m seeing realistically. This realistic and balanced perspective is the elixir I returned with after going through The Breakthrough Experience and healing from the simultaneous blows of a divorce and my mother’s death.

God sent me on a speed course of healing and now I’m beginning to understand why.

Duality: Blessings and Challenges

As I get to know this man, I realize that some of the things that I love best about him can be challenges. I love that he is talkative, animated and passionate about life. I love that he can bring me out of my introversion. Yet, sometimes that is a challenge for me as an introvert.

Sometimes I have a deep need to disconnect and process. But, this challenge of conversation is WORTH IT. It pays incredible dividends I’ve never enjoyed with anyone else. Those dividends include deep connection, honesty, vulnerability, understanding and trust.

I have always wanted a deep connection with a partner. This “challenge” is part of what makes it possible.  Depth of connection is worth the corresponding challenge. It’s similar to how everything I went through this year was worth it to come to a deeper understanding of compensating blessings and divine love.

Owning My Depth

I’m finally owning that I’m an incredibly deep person, and that I can never reach the full measure of my creation with someone who cannot go to those depths with me. Christi put it this way today,

“You have a deeper level of understanding than most people. It’s like most people go 5 levels deep and you go 15-20 levels. The men you’ve been with before can only go about 5 levels. The Lord is providing someone who can go 15-20 levels with you because you’ll now show the world how to do that with another person. The Lord will provide a way for that to be… so you are equally matched.

The more you reveal those levels, the more influence you will be able to have in the world. The books you’ve written are great and wonderful. Now that you have the masculine support and give yourself permission to go 15-20 levels, your writing will show the depth. Your influence will be higher and greater. The numbers of people you impact will be greater.”

There is a law of opposition, or polarity at work in the world. Everything we highly value has a corresponding challenge. Most of us only see with one-sided glasses. I’m finding it’s best to realistically see both sides and then I can easily decide if the blessing is worth the challenge. In everything I’ve seen so far with this man, the benefits are worth the corresponding challenges.

Sad Goodbyes

My heart breaks
As my son holds his son
Saying goodbye to the cherub we love.
He will grow inches and feet
Without his father beside him.
Tears for the memories that will never be
The goodnight kisses
The warm little hugs
The nighttime baths
The rowdy little feet
The sleep unobserved
The bubbles unpopped
Birthdays uncelebrated.
Where does one place the pain
Of a relentlessly breaking heart?

#HealingMyHeart

The Shack Movie - walk on water

The Shack Movie: Walk on Water

I watched The Shack movie Saturday for the first time. I’ve never read the book. There was a scene in the movie where Jesus suggests the main character, Mack, take Jesus’ boat out on the lake and fish if he’d like.
 
Mack goes alone and then some dark memories from an incident on the lake start to overtake him. Suddenly the water turns black and gross. His boat starts to break apart and sink. Just when he’s starting to panic, sure he’ll have to swim in this blackness, Jesus appears and tells Mack to look at him.
 
Mack asks, “Why are you doing this to me?”

Jesus says he’s not doing it to him, that it’s all inside of Mack – that it can’t hurt him, that it’s not real and to look at Him.

Mack insists, “You told me to come out here!”
 
Finally Mack looks at Jesus. The boat is fixed and the blackness goes away. All is calm and still. Jesus takes Mack out on the water and they walk across the lake together. A little later, Jesus and Mack have a wonderful foot race across the lake.
 
I’ve pondered on this scene a lot since watching the movie. I knew it held an important message for me. First, I could see where the “void” my husband said he felt inside himself was caused by his own fears, insecurities and resentments. His inner storm destroyed our marriage.
 
There were no real problems. They were all inside him.
 
Then, yesterday I realized there was a message for me in this scene. While, yes, it might apply to my husband’s choices, it also told me something important about mine.
 
I felt very strongly that God told me to marry my second husband. I cannot deny the overwhelming divine download of love that came to me after praying for 24 days about whether to open my heart to him.
 
I have been like Mack at times since our breakup, “Why did you do this to me? You told me to come out here! You caused this!”
 
Yes, God did tell me to come out here… out in the middle of the lake where my husband’s inner doubts, fears, insecurities and harbored resentments would sink the ship of our marriage. And, yes God knew all along it would happen. He did not cause it to happen, but He knew it would.
 
That’s okay, because Christ is here and something beautiful is coming from it. Would Mack have ever walked on water if he hadn’t learned to keep his eyes on Christ in his darkest moment? Would he later race across the water, running alongside Jesus to the other side? I think not.
 
Out of the sinking ship of my marriage, my trust in Jesus Christ has grown to a level it has never reached before. My eyes are fixed on Him and I feel like we’re walking on water together.
 
I look forward to that footrace across the lake with Him. I can’t wait to see where it leads.
If you get a chance to see The Shack, I really enjoyed it. I hope you will too.
getting over a breakup

Getting Over a Breakup: A Poem at Parting

Getting over a breakup can be incredibly painful if you weren’t the one who initiated it. One of the most perplexing challenges for me has been knowing where to put the memories and the love.

Everything that once felt so beautiful and good, suddenly became tainted, suspect and/or painful. As I’ve begun to embrace the concepts of divine love, I’m realizing I can still celebrate the love we shared without the associated pain.

Yesterday, as I drove away from my husband and the home we shared for the final time, I felt a single tear on my cheek. I wasn’t even thinking sad thoughts. It just appeared.

As I was about to arrive at my destination, this poem began to form in my mind. After parking outside my sister’s house, I sat in the car for a few minutes while everyone else went inside, and finished it. I think it does a good job of summing up how I felt at this juncture and how I’m getting over a breakup.

Take this tear from my cheek
That slips unbidden from my eyes.
Proof of my love it does speak.
Heaven, capture it in a bottle for me.

Yes, I knew you once.
I spent nights in your arms.
Felt the beat of your heart against mine.
This drop proves there are ties that do bind.

I bid you farewell now
My lover and friend.
A place in my heart
you will have to the end.

I’m not looking back
In pain anymore.
Now I celebrate the love
I was blessed to explore.

I leave you to your path
As I take mine.
I’ll carry this love inside,
And share it with another in time.

Marnie Pehrson, June 4, 2017

If you need help letting go of the past and moving past a breakup, a divorce or a major loss, hop on my calendar for a free 20-minute strategy session.

letting go

Moving On Isn’t The Same As Letting Go

If you’re in a relationship with someone new and you’re still hanging onto someone from your past, don’t think it won’t bleed through and kill the relationship you’re in. Letting go is critical, and moving on isn’t letting go.

I was listening to this song today, and it hit home. It verbalizes one of the key reasons for my marriage ending. If you want to have a happy relationship, you have to let those old flames go — even the ones you despise. One of THE best ways to do that is to read Dr. John Demartini’s “The Breakthrough Experience.”

Are you ready to release the past and move forward unencumbered?

One Thing She’ll Never Know

Josh Krajcik

She knows how to make me happy, how to make me laugh
She knows that she’s my future
She knows about my past
She knows when I’m weak
I’ll never ask for help
She knows what I believe in, even though I doubt myself
And when she asks, I always tell the truth
Except when it comes to you
Even though I fight it

Sometimes, I still wake up
Forget I’m living my life without you
But she’s here, and I love her
So why am I still thinking bout you
Maybe moving on ain’t the same as letting go
But that’s One Thing She’ll Never Know
She knows I’m far from perfect

She knows I’m proud
She knows when something’s wrong
Even if she don’t say it out loud
Knows that I’m faithful
Knows I don’t lie
But you wanna keep a good woman
Some things you gotta hide
And when she asks, I always tell the truth
Except when it comes to you
Even though I fight it

Sometimes, I still wake up
Forget I’m living my life without you
But she’s here, and I love her
So why am I still thinking ’bout you
Maybe moving on ain’t the same as letting go
But that’s One Thing She’ll Never Know

I don’t wanna cause a pain you don’t deserve
So I won’t speak tonight, if it’s gonna take me away from her
Oh what she don’t know, don’t hurt her
But she don’t know, what hurt her
That I don’t wanna hurt her
Even though I fight

Sometimes, I still wake up
Forget I’m living my life without you
But she’s here, and I love her
So why am I still thinking ’bout you
Maybe moving on ain’t the same as letting go
But that’s One Thing She’ll Never Know

Sometimes, I still wake up
Forget I’m living my life without you
But she’s here, and I love her
So why am I still thinking ’bout you
Maybe moving on ain’t the same as letting go
But that’s One Thing She’ll Never Know
Never know

Songwriters: Andrew Frampton / Joshua Krajcik / Joshua Andrew Krajcik / Julian C Bunetta / Stephan Alan Kipner

 

Are you ready to release the past and move forward unencumbered?

healing journey

Each Person’s Healing Journey Is Unique

There are examples in scripture of people with accelerated healing or conversion experiences. We see the Saul/Paul conversion. There’s the many healing miracles of Jesus Christ. These expedited and intense healing journeys are not designed to make people feel bad whose healing takes years or a lifetime. They aren’t designed to make people feel like if they don’t receive speedy transformation that they lack faith or aren’t good enough. They aren’t there to make us compare and feel less than.

They happen to show the power of God and bring glory to Him. They are there to give clues about the healing process and the elements of it.

I am fully aware that I am going through some kind of intense, expedited healing process. It certainly isn’t normal and it’s not because I’m some kind of perfect spiritual giant. It simply is an opportunity to bring glory to the ONE who is doing this in my life. This is not me. It’s God and for some reason He’s in a hurry with what He wants me to learn.

I have no idea why I got picked for this journey or why God is working His miracles in my life. I only know that I cannot remain silent about what He is doing or what He is teaching me. I can’t speak to what will happen in your life or anyone else’s. My experiences are mine and they are mine to interpret. Yours are yours and are ideally suited to you and your spiritual growth.

Fast But Not So Fast

I had a MAJOR epiphany today about my life and the journey I’ve been on. It might look like I’m healing a bunch in the last 2.5 months from recent tragedies. It might look like everything is falling miraculously into place (which it is to a large degree). But my healing journey has spanned my lifetime.

I’m finally seeing how things that happened as a child set in motion patterns and cycles. My brain/subconscious has weaved together a complex set of life circumstances to bring me to these most recent challenges. My brain has been on a quest to find a solution to a dynamic that perplexed me as a child.

Today, I finally feel like I GET IT. The solution is so abundantly clear to me. In fact what looks like a dismal failure is probably my most glorious success.

I now see what I’ve been doing and how I’ve actually resolved at least two of these major patterns. I think I can FINALLY let them go. Time will tell. But, man, this has been a long, long, road, and what I’ve been seeing and what you’ve been seeing is just a final wrap up of a very long, arduous journey.

So the next time you see someone achieve some big success or create some remarkable quick breakthrough, don’t be so quick to think, “Wow, why do they get off so easy and my challenges take forever?” There’s a lot we don’t see in other people’s lives or even our own lives.

All of it is one big tapestry, weaving together to teach us what we’re here to learn and mold us into the person God knows we can be.

I hope if you gain nothing else from whatever I share it is that God is there for you. He loves you. You matter to Him and He can and will heal your heart in his perfect timing. You don’t have to stay in bitterness and resentment. Surrender to Him and let him work his wonder in your life in a way that is ideally suited to you. Each of us is different and we have our own journeys. May God bless you on yours.

Are you ready to release the past and move forward unencumbered?