I’ve had some miraculous things developing in my life since my mother’s passing. She was always running to my rescue in life and I’ve thought she must be an angel working overtime now. About a week after she passed I had this amazing feeling of hope sweep over me and I heard, “Your life is about to get amazing.” I sensed that with my angel mother on my side, anything was possible.
Her love is with me always and has amplified. I see her everywhere – in the little things and in the amazingly-orchestrated happenings of my life.
Today, while driving to sign the lease on my new apartment, I thought about recent events. I feel like I’m receiving everything I’ve asked for and MORE… wonderful spontaneous surprises that are over and above what I had ever asked for. As I thought of these blessings, I was praying and thanking my Heavenly Father for everything He is sending my way. I asked Him to forgive me for the times I’ve whined and griped and bargained over the last several years.
While I have had my grateful, shining, and faithful moments, I have had others when I wasn’t so faithful and wasn’t so grateful. But, God is blessing me anyway – in spite of myself.
While counting my blessings, I thought of Christmases as a child and how my mother made Christmas so special. The Sears catalogue would arrive a few months before Christmas. My brother and I would flip through its shiny pages looking for items we wanted. We would tell Mama what we’d like to have. Then, invariably, at the last minute, we’d change our minds.
When Christmas morning came, there was always everything we asked for and more. She’d always find a way to surprise us with something extra special in our stockings. Perhaps it would be a bracelet or a necklace for me or an extra toy for my brother. When my kids were little, she loved doing the same for them.
As I pondered on the blessings that are coming my way, I thought, “This is SO Mama. She must have a hand in this.” And then tears filled my eyes as I realized that while my mother may be playing a role in some angelic realm, it is my Heavenly Father who is giving me these things. He has always intended and wanted to give me these things. It is HIS plan playing out.
I’m ashamed to admit, there have been times I’ve viewed Him as not supporting me, not being there for me, not really caring if I had the things I pleaded for. I had been through so many difficult things, I had begun to expect very little from life, assuming my lot would never be a good one again. Not until my mother passed did I begin to believe that I had someone on my side in the spiritual realms. Someone who loved me unconditionally and would go to bat for me and run to me should I ever need her.
I actually had more faith in my earthly mother’s love than I did in God’s. I knew and felt her love. It struck me with such force today that God loves me even MORE than my mother. She showed me God’s love while she was on earth and I have continued to feel her love amplified, radiating toward me, enveloping me.
His love is the same and infinitely more. There is nothing happening here that is not His will, that is not His love. I am humbled by that love and feel bad that I did not have more faith in Him.
I wonder how many blessings I denied myself because I did not fully believe and receive His love or expect good things. Did my mother’s entrance into heavenly realms actually make all of this possible, not because she’s the one doing them, but because now I believe?