dating single again

Single Again: Dating with a Fresh Approach

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Here I am… single again. Dating. Uggh, I really did NOT want to be here. But somehow the transition has come effortlessly and really quite unintentionally. What’s more, I’m having so much fun!

This time I’m looking at dating with a new perspective. Since reading The Breakthrough Experience, I’m avoiding becoming overly infatuated. I have had a tendency in the past to only see the good and look at men with rose colored glasses. I also have managed to select men who (if they were women) I wouldn’t even be friends with. We haven’t had that much in common.

I’ve gone primarily on attraction, chemistry, and looking for desirable male characteristics in a partner. I think I’ve been looking for someone to complete me. Not anymore. I’m complete on my own. I have all the characteristics I value in me. That’s another thing I’ve learned from The Breakthrough Experience.

This time I’m looking for someone I can connect with intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and physically — someone who if it were purely platonic — I’d still love to spend all day hanging out with him and never get bored.

As I explore a new relationship, I’m finding this perspective is fun. It’s encouraging and I’m hopeful. Yet, I’ve learned from The Breakthrough Experience to look at people and things realistically. It’s not good to put people on pedestals or in the pit. Every quality (negative or positive) we see in someone else, exists in ourselves.

Even the challenges serve us. And the upsides have downsides. When we see both simultaneously, we are seeing realistically.

So as I’m dating again, I’m being more realistic and balanced. When the challenges come I look for the blessing in them. When the blessings come, I’m cognizant there is some challenge associated with them.

This may sound like it sucks the fun out of the enamored, infatuation stage of a new relationship. I’ll admit it’s different. It’s making the experience less of the silly school girl crush and more of a mature place of hope and gratitude for everything that comes up. I’m seeing the miracles in the little things. I’m seeing and so grateful for how my recent losses are being made up in this relationship. Regardless of how long it lasts, I’m incredibly grateful for it right now. I feel incredibly blessed.

I’m noticing that I’m better able to work through tough subjects, communicate honestly and not make mountains out of molehills. I’m not taking things as personally. I’m more secure and more at peace. I’m more hopeful about my future. I’m more willing to be totally myself and let whatever comes as a result be okay.

As I explore this new relationship, I’m coming at it from the perspective that no one is perfect, but can I be who I am here to be with this man? Will I develop into the person God knows I can be and have fun and enjoy the journey in the process?

I realize conflicts or misunderstandings arise in any relationship. They already have. But can the two of us communicate honestly and effectively and work them through to a place of understanding and mutual resolution? So far we have. That’s what matters.

Overall, I’m encouraged. Time will tell… God is at the helm.

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Posted in Dating, Love.