One of the hardest things for me has been letting go of past successes and allowing myself to move in a new direction. For 14 years I operated a successful article / content directory. It generated multiple income streams and provided a 6-figure income for my family of 8. For the last 6 years the site was up, I was the sole provider for our family.
A Season of Successful Serving
During that time period, I was able to help many people create the traffic and exposure they needed to be successful in their businesses. I helped several subject matter experts build online platforms that enabled them to impact tens of thousands of lives for good. I got my clients on CNN, in TVGuide and other large media outlets.
The End of an Era
Then in late 2012, it all came to a screeching halt when Google made changes that punished people who put content into my site. I closed the site down and transitioned swiftly into book consulting. I helped dozens of authors complete their books and create Amazon bestsellers.
In time, the marketing world continued to morph and my life also changed. I went through a divorce, remarried, and put my business on low vibe so I could focus on my second marriage. When that marriage swiftly ended, I not only grieved it and the simultaneous death of my mother, but also continued to grieve the loss of my former career.
Grieving Successes of the Past
On some level I’ve grieved the loss of the successful business woman I once was for nearly 7 years. I don’t walk around in grief. I’m not depressed, negative or angry. But the fact that I “used to have” something incredibly successful and innovative and that I once pioneered the entire article marketing industry is hard to live up to. Nothing I do or create seems “good enough” in comparison.
The specter of my own success relentlessly looms in the catacombs of my subconscious. As I move forward, I have no desire to do the type of work I once did. There were downsides to owning a large content directory. While it gave me a lot of freedom to voluntarily help people build their businesses and to speak, teach, inspire, and write, there were also spurts of intense 60-70 hour work weeks.
Remembering the Challenges
We tend to remember past successes as all rosy and wonderful, but every situation has its challenges. Part of getting over the past is seeing it realistically for what it was.
Russians and Chinese hackers loved to have a field day with my site and often injected garbage code in my database of 3+ million articles. Cleaning up the mess, programming patches to keep hacks from happening again, and removing garbage articles input by bots often became a living nightmare.
People put nasty materials into my site which I had to create filters for. Here I was, trying to help what I call “Light Bearers” get their positive messages into the world and much of my time was spent looking at and creating filters to remove nasty, dark material from my web site.
Today, I’m burnt out on tech work. I have no desire to go back to it. But I miss the influence I once had. I miss the impact I could make and how I could get positive messages into the world in an economical way.
Seeking a Sense of Accomplishment
Recently, I’ve felt like I’m floundering. My life is great. I have no pressure to work or provide. I’m married to a wonderful man who takes great care of me. I do things I really enjoy – create music, write, watercolor, travel, and produce my Front Porch Sense podcast, yet I can never seem to shake the nagging feeling that something is missing.
Getting Down to the Root of It
Today, as I looked at some of the signals my body has been sending me (minor ailments), I uncovered unresolved emotions I’m still grappling with:
- Wanting to live in the past
- Wanting to stay in my comfort zone
- Wishing an undesirable situation had never happened
- Feeling pressured or anxious
- Feeling fear or tension
- Holding back
- Feeling fear of releasing the old that’s no longer useful
- Fearful of not having ample means
- Unable to control an outer situation, so I’m attempting to control a substitute
- Seeking fulfillment
- Keeping feelings stuffed inside
When I saw this list — which I gathered by looking up my ailments in “Feelings Buried Alive Never Die” — I knew exactly what they were about. I thought I’d dealt with the past, but deep down, I wish I still had the influence my old content directory gave me. I wish I still had lots of free time to serve and help people.
As I typed that last sentence, I laughed at the nonsense of it all. Now, more than ever, I have plenty of time to serve and help people. I basically have more time than most anyone I know. But I’m not serving in the way I once served. I can’t put someone’s business on the map like I used to (not without them having an advertising budget). And I have no desire to do the tech work to build and maintain web sites. I’m over that.
I still have a deep desire to help people. I can’t seem to feel a sense of real accomplishment without serving other people in a significant way. How that will look is still unfolding.
A New Direction
I do know one thing… the way I help people going forward will be much different than in the past. I now feel drawn to helping people heal emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. As a certified SimplyHealed Method PractitionerTM, I can do that with cutting edge energy techniques.
But what excites me most is marrying the energy healing techniques I’ve been using for 9 years with a form of musical energy therapy I’m developing. Music allows me to exercise the innovation and creativity that is so deeply a part of who I am. With this clarity of direction, I’m excited about my future.
I’m excited about exploring techniques that use music to bring healing and important shifts for people. I get excited about helping people move forward unencumbered by past trauma and old ways of thinking that no longer serve them. I love watching people move smoothly into the next phases of their lives with clarity and direction.
My husband and I are also enjoying the personal connection we get with people by bringing them to our home in Northwest Georgia for healing and creative retreats. Music, nature, energy healing and creativity are all a big part of that.
The Healing Process
Here’s the self-healing process I used.
- I first listened to my own body and what it was telling me.
- This led me to discover what feelings and emotions needed to be addressed.
- My husband and I had a good conversation about what I’m dealing with and the direction I’d like to take going forward.
- Next, thinking about the successes of my past and the challenges within it, I sat down at the piano and played whatever came. I can often express with music, feelings that never form in words.
- Playing a recording of what I’d played, I listened to the music and journaled my thoughts and feelings that came — attempting to depict the past realistically — with it’s good aspects and difficulties.
- I wrote this blog to document the process.
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