I woke up around 8 am and laid there meditating. I decided to use the straw meditation where you imagine a straw put in your solar plexus that can drain away anything that needs to be released. I took very deep breaths, held them, and then released them slowly. I could feel the release in my solar plexus. It was a very pleasant feeling. I did not articulate or enumerate what needed to be released. I just let whatever needed to leave, leave. At one point I did consciously ask to release any frustration I’ve had with my father. I’ve been impatient and irritable with him lately. I know some of the reasons for this, but I did not articulate them this morning. I didn’t go into stories or rationales. I just asked for that to be released.

At some point during the releasing, I also realized I needed to release the need / intense desire for a transformational awakening (or enlightenment moment). My striving for it was counter productive. I felt the need or desire for it leave through the straw in my solar plexus.

I continued this type of breathing for at least 20 minutes. Then I added a mantra, “I am one with Christ.” This quickly morphed into “I am Zion” (the pure in heart / unity / oneness). At some point the affirmation was no longer there, and I was inside of a whitish-light-gray glowing mist. That’s all I could see in my mind’s eye. My imagination wanted to pull in various things, but I released those things and allowed it to be what it was … just this mist.

At some point my ability to form conscious thoughts went away. My mind fell silent. If there was any thought, it was only the awareness that there was no inner voice in my head. When this continued… the silence remained, at one point I felt a little concern that without this voice, would I be able to speak? Would I be able to form thoughts? Would my life radically change without this voice? I inhaled, held it, released, and let that concern go. The “nothingness” remained. I stayed there for some time until Mother Nature called. But even as I was in the bathroom, there was no chatter in my head.

I saw a pile of laundry on the bathtub and had the awareness that I would carry it to the laundry room. But this didn’t come as words like it normally would. Normally, I would make a mental checklist, “Oh, I need to get that out of here and do some laundry today.” But it wasn’t that. It was just a knowing that I would do laundry today.

When I looked in the mirror, I looked rather plain and ordinary. No glow of any kind. Perhaps even a bit tired. I simply noted that I looked kind of “dull” for lack of a better word. That sounds like I was judging my looks, but I wasn’t. It was simply an observation. Throughout this whole process the only emotion I recall feeling was that flicker of almost-panic that without the words in my head, I was losing something I might need.

While I was dressing, still no words were forming. The awareness that my speech might be affected by this presented itself, then dissipated. I also knew that I would need to write this account to document what was happening, but I felt no urgency to do so. No great desire to write about it. Normally, if I have an epiphany moment, I can’t rest until I write it down. I felt no urgency to do so  …. And doubted I would even be able to form the words to write it. I didn’t want to form the words. I wanted to stay in the silence.

After getting dressed, I went in the kitchen where Dave and my dad were. Dave greeted me and I said good morning. Then he remarked how good I looked… “svelte” was one of the words he used. I smiled and gave him a big hug and then I felt the urge to give my dad a big hug. I haven’t done that much lately. The irritation had gotten in the way. I felt a complete openness between us. Whatever had been in the middle wasn’t there anymore. I felt compassion and caring and love for him.

He hurt his shoulder on Saturday and I checked both of his shoulders to see if the injured one was swollen. It seemed it may be slightly puffier. I held my hands on his shoulder for a while and felt like something was flowing through me into his shoulder. I couldn’t say if it really was.

Even though I didn’t have word-thoughts in my mind, I still had no problem speaking. After I worked on our wildflower spiral landscaping project this morning. I was able to write this blog. So evidently the words still come, even if the mind has been quieted.

There is one other thing that I recalled after telling this experience to my husband. When I first landed in the misty space I had the impression that from that space, I could step into any time, space, person, entity or item. It was as if this quiet space was a corridor that would allow me (or anyone) to connect to anything or anyone else. I did not explore this concept while I was there. I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination kicking in, but it was one of the impressions I released so that I could stay in the stillness longer.

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