What do you do when your dream is at your door,
and you’re not sure you want it anymore?
I’ve had a big dream I co-created with God several years ago. It felt incredibly inspired and drove me forward to do a lot of things that were completely outside my comfort zone. Almost all the steps I’ve taken over the last 7 years have been about becoming the person who could achieve that dream. One of the things it entailed was developing my property into a retreat location.
Along the way, I had to let go of the main parcel of my property. In the process, I let the dream die along with it. I went through loss after loss after loss until I came to a place of simplicity… where I am no longer attached to things. As long as I have access to a piano a few days/week, a computer with internet connection, and food and comfortable shelter for my son and me, I’m good.
At this point of simplicity, God has decided to escalate materializing my dream in a way that is really quite miraculous. It’s moving so fast, I’ve had moments when I’ve wondered if I have any say in the matter. I asked God once, “Do I get a choice here?” The answer was, “You had the choice when you set this in motion. I’m just delivering what you asked. But, yes, you ALWAYS have a choice.”
I have felt so many mixed emotions – awe, wonder, and yes a little bit of confusion about God’s ironic timing, and trepidation. Why now when I honestly don’t care anymore? Just asking the question feels ungrateful, but it is a question I feel compelled to ask.
Finally, a friend sliced through it all and gave me some excellent advice. She asked me to decide if I still want the dream. I don’t have to accept it. I can choose another path. I still have choice.
When I stepped back and looked at the two paths set before me, I looked at them with new eyes. I let go of “having” to accept it just because I’d asked for it. I started asking myself what I really do want.
I’m not the same person I was when I crafted the dream. I’ve changed internally where I’m more concerned about who I’m becoming as a person, how I’m showing up and serving than about material possessions or land.
A new question for evaluating the situation came to mind, “Will this path help me become who I want to become? Will it help me serve in a way that God is calling me to serve?”
As I asked myself this question, the answer was an obvious YES. I could see that stepping forward into this God-orchestrated path means immense emotional and spiritual growth. My resistance to the path was more about me being afraid I wasn’t up for the path than that I didn’t want to be the person the path required.
I’m being handed a choice between stepping up, taking the road less traveled, the challenging path that leads to exquisite joy OR choosing the safe, easy path that lets me play it safe and live in the land of ordinary.
Safe path. Hmmm… ironically I’ve learned that the “safe” path is not safe at all. I think I’ll try the gutsy one instead…
The Way by Fastball
Lyrics to “The Way” by Fastball
They made up their minds
And they started packing
They left before the sun came up that day
An exit to eternal summer slacking
But where were they going without ever
Knowing the way?
They drank up the wine
And they got to talking
They now had more important things to say
And when the car broke down they started walking
Where were they going without ever
Knowing the way?
[Chorus:]
Anyone can see the road that they walk on
Is paved in gold
And it’s always summer
They’ll never get cold
They’ll never get hungry
They’ll never get old and grey
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They won’t make it home
But they really don’t care
They wanted the highway
They’re happier there today, today
Their children woke up
And they couldn’t find them
They left before the sun came up that day
They just drove off and left it all behind ’em
But where were they going without ever
Knowing the way?
[Chorus]
