My two boys have been living with my sister for the last couple months and I see them on weekends. It’s been so weird not having them with me.
My older son graduates on the 27th and then their dad wants to bring them to Utah for the summer. My graduate is off to UGA in the fall. I’m grateful he’ll be within driving distance instead of across the country like my older boys.
There are so many mixed emotions. I’m bummed I missed the end of his senior year. But I know my boys are happy with their cousins and aunt and uncle. I’m grateful they had somewhere to go to finish up the school year while I came to Tennessee to be with my dad.
On one hand I feel like I’m being led in a direction where “home” looks very different. Traveling, teaching, speaking, writing is my future. Already this week, I’ve gotten invitations to visit several places I’d love to go if everything lines up. I feel an immense amount of freedom and flexibility in my future.
On the other hand, my youngest son still has 2 more years of school, and I need to find somewhere to land in GA for him to do that. I’m sure that will fall into place when the time comes.
Grateful for Freedom
Overall, I’m feeling more grateful every day for my freedom. I’m seeing what a gift it is and how I never could have fully stepped into what brings me joy and my divine purpose in the marriage. Yet, I look back over the last two years, and I can honestly say I was happy, that I was blessed. And I believe even more happiness is on the horizon.
I’m realizing I was happy because overall I am a happy person. I took some advice to heart that was given to me at 17… “continue to look for the good.”
When I look for the good, I am grateful. When I’m grateful, I am happy. Gratitude, like love, is a choice. In fact, gratitude leads to love in my experience.
I carry that with me wherever I go. So even if there are circumstances in which other people are miserable, I can still find a way to be happy in those same circumstances. Someone told me once that the entire time they’d known my husband, he was miserable… until he met me. Then he was happier than they’d ever seen him. Evidently, he carried that misery and ingratitude deep inside him, and it eventually destroyed our marriage.
Two people, same circumstances. One is happy and blessed and the other is miserable… the distinction is gratitude.
Sure, there are times I’m depressed, miserable, upset, angry, scared, and hurt just like everyone else. But I know… KNOW … it’s not my nature to stay there. I have a homing beacon for silver linings. I’m so grateful to be seeing them everywhere. My future is getting brighter by the day.
