Have you noticed how quickly people make snap judgments about others and how often people take offense? It’s a rampant problem in our society. We could all probably agree that healing cynicism and contention in our society is a priority. But to heal the discord, we first have to understand the root cause of what is going on.
All of this judgement and offense is caused by the filters through which we see and hear the world. Each of us is constantly creating filters based on our life experiences. Our filters create our realities. Filters are limiting beliefs, assumptions and generalizations we form in response to life experiences, wounds, or trauma.
For example, maybe past experiences tell us that other people will get upset or leave us if we ask for help, so we assume we can’t ask anyone for help. Because we don’t ask for help (or push help away when it’s offered) we obviously don’t get the support we need. We put off a vibe of “Go away, I don’t need your help.” People pick up on that… without you even saying a word. The filter has created reality and the limiting belief is reinforced, “I am alone in the world. I can’t count on anyone.”
One simple action on the part of another person could activate a filter, and we could start making judgments and assumptions about the other person. For example, if a super-friendly and happy person once turned on you and stabbed you in the back, you may judge all super-friendly and happy people as manipulative and back-stabbing.
You’ll be much more likely to give the friendly/happy person the cold-shoulder. You’ll be more likely to filter everything the person does or says through your lens that says, “Super friendly and happy people are manipulators. Stay away from them.”
When we make knee-jerk, sweeping judgments about people like this, our filters create our own self-fulfilling prophecies. We look for problems with people, and we see offenses everywhere. We filter everything that the friendly person does through a lens that expects the person to be a bad, horrible person. Every word the person says is suspect. Every action they make becomes jaded through our filter.
Another person can see the same individual’s words or actions and see no fault at all. Depending upon how opaque your filter is, you may not be able to understand why everyone else is so blind. Why do they like this person? Obviously, (you believe) the offender has manipulatively deluded and deceived everyone around them but you (and perhaps your friends with similar filters).
In society we see a lot of filters at work. These manifest as rampant accusations and offenses taken in conjunction with popular labels: race, gender, nationality, sexuality, political views, etc. It’s easy to blame things on the big popular labels. We’re less likely to look at ourselves and examine our own filters. The truth is we often make rash judgments in families, with neighbors, co-workers and with people we meet. It’s easy to see other people’s filters, but not so easy to see our own. I’m willing to bet every single one of us filters the world in one way or another UNTIL we are healed.
“An unhealed person can find offense in pretty much anything someone does. A healed person understands that the actions of others have nothing to do with them. Each day you get to decide which one you will be.” (Author Unknown)
You might say, “Well, I’ve been burned, and I won’t be burned again. It’s better to be safe than sorry.” Maybe that’s true if you aren’t willing to do the work to be healed. It takes work to examine your beliefs, release your trauma, and start noting when you’re making reactionary judgments.
Healing means letting go of your victim energy and realizing that there are lights and shadows in every single one of us – including ourselves. A healed person understands that everything serves, and it is up to us as individuals to find how it serves and appropriate it accordingly.
“Why bother healing?” You might ask.
Healing brings freedom. It brings love, happiness and peace. We all seem to want a better world for ourselves and our children. The fact is, we won’t get it until we each individually heal!
Jesus Christ was the Great Healer. I believe He was speaking of these filters when He said,
“For this people’s heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted and I should heal them.” (Matthew 13:15)
Removing the cloudy, darkened filters on our eyes and ears allows us to see and hear more clearly. When we take the time to truly see, hear and understand others and come unto Christ (be converted), He can heal our old wounds, our limiting beliefs, and our deep unmet needs. If we allow Him to heal us, our worldview and everyone in it transforms. We begin to see others through His eyes.
The first thing we have to do is recognize and admit that our filters are damaging. Filters damage families, neighborhoods, societies and civilizations. Most of all, by hanging onto filters we damage ourselves.
Going back to our example, think of how much love, kindness, support and generosity the friendly, happy people of the world want to give you. Think of how much more joy you could have in your life if you didn’t shut out every happy, friendly person because your old tapes told you they couldn’t be trusted.
We simply MUST stop judging and taking offenses based on segmenting, paralyzing labels … including the granular level filters that aren’t popularly discussed in the media.
Get On the Road to Healing
If you frequently are offended or upset by the things that other people say or do, it is a sign that you need healing. Here are a few steps to get started…
- Start noticing when you make knee-jerk judgments or assumptions about people or their actions. Especially if you feel anger or offense in response.
- Ask yourself why you’re feeling angry or offended. What is the real root of it? What’s the story that’s playing out in your mind and emotions? What do you believe about people and how the world works?
- When have you felt this “triggered” feeling in the past? Where did this story originate?
- Have the hard conversations. Talk situations through with the person who has offended you. If they said or did something that triggered one of your filters, ask them what they REALLY meant. What were they REALLY trying to say or do? Approach them in a spirit of openness and a desire to understand, not from a place of accusation. Many times you will discover that there was absolutely nothing sinister in the person’s intentions. Perhaps it was a simple misuse of words, or an innocent misstep. Or maybe it wasn’t anything they did at all, but simply how you viewed the situation.
- Seek help. First, seek God’s help. Pray and ask for healing. Pay attention to where you are led. Perhaps you’ll be led to a therapist or energy worker who can help you clear the old filters. Or maybe you’ll be led to a scripture or a book that brings healing. Ask God for help in healing, and open your eyes to possible solutions. He will bring them into your life.
If you’ve been feeling unsupported, angry, offended or victimized, take control of your life. It’s time to experience the freedom, love and hope that comes through healing and releasing old filters that no longer serve you.
Bette Midler’s “From a Distance”
This song conveys so much of what I am trying to say about shifting from our distorted view of the world and the truth of God’s perspective . I hope you enjoy it…
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