Do you feel like God has promised you something, but everything is falling apart? I’d like to share with you my own personal story of going through a simultaneous unexpected divorce and the death of my mother. There are so many lessons packed in here about God’s promises and the journeys we take toward their fulfillment.
In the summer of 2015, I was in Utah conducting a book retreat and other events. While I was there, I was praying about whether to open my heart to a man I was dating. In retrospect, it’s easy to see I was on the rebound from another guy, and I wasn’t feeling ready to open my heart again. But this new man was persistent and voiced his desire to marry me. I wasn’t really feeling it – at least not consistently. I had moments when it felt right to be with him and others when it didn’t.
A Taste of Divine Love
On the last day of the retreat, while the women were working on their books, I was texting with this man off and on. I was sitting at the dining room table when out of the blue a divine download of pure love flowed into my heart and mind. In my faith, we believe that we have a Heavenly Father and that we also have a Heavenly Mother. In this divine download, I felt the divine love that Heavenly Father has for Heavenly Mother. It was incredible. It was a mixture of respect, adoration, and admiration. There was no doubt that she was His equal in every way. Through my Heavenly Father’s eyes, I knew my Heavenly Mother as an exquisite being of incredible power, glory and love.
Along with this all-encompassing feeling, I heard the words in my mind, “This man will love you like you’ve never been loved before.”
At the time, I interpreted this to mean that the man I had been praying about for the last 24 days was the man who would love me like I’d never been loved before. I also assumed we would have that kind of divine love.
When I got home, I agreed to marry him. I did not feel divine love coming from him. But I loved him without reservation, believing that one day, we would share that kind of divine love that God had allowed me to feel. I married him on the “potential” for divine love to eventually blossom and grow.
Premonitions of Change
One day in November 2016 (about 14 months into the marriage), I was getting out of the shower when I had a distinct knowing pour into my mind (again out of the blue without my thoughts precipitating it). It said, “You’re not going to be married to him for eternity. You aren’t going to be married to him for the rest of your life. You’re supposed to be married to someone else.”
I was shocked. I loved him. I thought perhaps he would die. He was in law enforcement, and police officers were getting killed frequently at the time. Would he be killed in the line of duty? I focused on loving him even more, assuming I might one day be a widow. I wanted to love him with all my heart while I had him in my life. Divorce never occurred to me.
A week or two later, I had a dream that my husband got up from our bed and leaned over to kiss me goodbye to go to work. He walked out the door. A few moments later, the door reopened, and he walked back in carrying flowers. This was unusual because he never once brought me flowers. As he drew closer, sat beside me on the bed, and bent over to kiss me, I realized it was not my husband. It was another man.
Everything Falling Apart
About four months later (which was 18 months into the marriage) he told me he wanted a divorce. He wasn’t feeling anything for me anymore, and he believed he never would. He wanted out. He gave no explanation for what had changed or anything I had done to change things. The feeling, for him, was just gone.
I cried more than I’ve ever cried in my life. I begged for answers he would not, or could not, give. I had not seen a divorce coming at all. At first, I wanted to fight for the marriage. I wanted us to go to therapy. He refused.
On March 27, 2017, I made the video below. It was a week after my mother’s funeral and about 16 days after he’d announced he wanted a divorce. I was shocked, hurt, broken-hearted, and grieving on multiple levels. And yet at other moments, I felt as if God had set me free.
At this point in my life, I was still holding onto hope that a miracle might happen with my marriage. In the video I share what I learned about the power of releasing the outcome while holding onto God’s promises.
Priceless Insights Gained
Now that I have four additional years of perspective and God has fulfilled His promises, I see new lessons in this experience.
First, I know with perfect certainty that no matter how pathetic and impossible things look, God absolutely keeps His promises. But we need to let go of who those promises are fulfilled with and when and how they are fulfilled. The only “who” we can control in the story of our lives is us.
Second, when God promises something, we don’t always interpret them the way He intends. When God said, “This man will love you like you’ve never been loved before” I believe it had a dual meaning. I think part of it applied to my second husband. He loved me enough to let me go. I hadn’t been loved that way before. He knew he couldn’t give me what I needed, and he had the integrity and enough love to let me go. He gave me a wonderful, priceless gift. He gave me the freedom to move on and receive ultimate happiness and fulfillment in marriage.
I also think “This man will love you like you’ve never been loved before” let me know that WHEN I felt the kind of divine love that Heavenly Father has for Heavenly Mother, that THAT man would love me like I’d never been loved before. God was showing me what to look for.
Third, don’t settle for potential. I settled for potential when God wanted to give me the real thing. When I was dating Dave Kuhns, I felt divine love coming from him. I still feel that kind of divine love coming from him. I feel that God-like love, adoration, respect and admiration between us. We feel it for each other. Dave is my biggest fan, and I am his — just like I sensed that Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother were each other’s biggest fans.
Fourth, everything happens for a reason and that reason is to prepare us. The experience with my second husband made me someone capable of receiving Dave. I never would have been ready for Dave had I not learned the critical lessons packed within the simultaneous unexpected divorce and my mother’s death. It all happened for a reason.
There are many other lessons packed within this experience … including the Law of the Vacuum. It’s critical that we release unprocessed emotions to make room for the blessings God promises. I’ll let you watch the video to learn more about that.
God is writing your faith story. When He makes you promises, expect them to be fulfilled. Don’t settle for anything less than He’s promised and release all the old stories, emotions and people that get in the way of you receiving what He’s promised. Most of all, let go of who else is involved in God’s promises to you. The players may change, but God always fulfills His promises when we stay connected to Him.
Recommended Reading: “Open Your Mind to Prosperity” by Catherine Ponder.
