Once I got through the initial shock I got mad. I wanted God to send vengeance. I wanted revenge — retribution. It seemed like each morning I woke up with some new form of vengeance God could inflict on my soon-to-be-ex. I wanted him to pay. I knew I shouldn’t pray for that and I told God I knew I shouldn’t — as I was doing it.
I accepted that was where I was and I knew God accepted it too. And then Sunday, I had this revelation about how God views his rebellious children, and I made myself pray for him and his soul.
How God Feels About His Lost Children
As I process rejection from one person I wholeheartedly loved, I have asked God, “How do you do it? My heart is breaking with rejection from just one person. How do you handle rejection from billions of your children whom you loved enough to die for? People you love unconditionally and completely? How do you keep from weeping continuously?”
I was led to Moses 7 where God showed Enoch the destiny of the city of Zion and the people who would be destroyed in the flood.
28 And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept; and Enoch bore record of it, saying: How is it that the heavens weep, and shed forth their tears as the rain upon the mountains?
29 And Enoch said unto the Lord: How is it that thou canst weep, seeing thou art holy, and from all eternity to all eternity?
30 And were it possible that man could number the particles of the earth, yea, millions of earths like this, it would not be a beginning to the number of thy creations; and thy curtains are stretched out still; and yet thou art there, and thy bosom is there; and also thou art just; thou art merciful and kind forever;
31… peace, justice, and truth is the habitation of thy throne; and mercy shall go before thy face and have no end; how is it thou canst weep?”
Then God gave this reply….
32 The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency;
33 And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood;
37 But behold, their sins shall be upon the heads of their fathers; Satan shall be their father, and misery shall be their doom; and the whole heavens shall weep over them, even all the workmanship of mine hands; wherefore should not the heavens weep, seeing these shall suffer?”
This has given me a lot to ponder. As I think about the man who has rejected me and rejected the gospel in the same stroke, crying for revenge is not the answer.
Crying for mercy for him and that he may one day be brought back to God is the response Jesus would want me to have. If I would be like Christ, I would continue praying for him instead of railing about him.
Praying For Your Enemies
So I began praying for him and yesterday my anger became sadness and a deeper understanding of the root issue revealed itself. It explained the disconnect, the void in him, the withdrawal from me, the cruel behavior.
And now I’m just sad. Sad I lost such an exquisitely beautiful love.
Now I’m praying to be able to let all this go. The hurt, the anger, the sadness. To give him to God and move on with my life.
