In my first marriage I knew I enabled the situation. I played a role. In this situation I do not believe it has much to do with me as much as I was sent to be the love and give someone a chance to choose love, peace and harmony. I was there to direct someone to all the blessings God wanted to give him. What he chooses to do with that now is up to him.
But here is something important I’m discovering… I do believe my empathetic nature, and my feeling that everyone can be happy if given the chance made me more approachable and intriguing for someone with insecurities.
I look like an easy going woman who is okay with you being who and where you are. And I am. I totally accepted him where he was. But when someone lives with me, they see I am no ordinary woman. I am not happy to just settle for less in my own personal objectives or in my spiritual growth.
I have goals, dreams and things I want to achieve. While I really don’t think I force that on the people I’m with, someone who is insecure, wounded and okay with spiritual and developmental mediocrity might find that intimidating… might be fearful and want to hurt me before I wake up to the fact that they don’t have the energy to go where I’m going…. and hurt them. Sort of a pre-emptive strike.
Hence, it’s time I really step into my own voice and leadership role so I am not remotely attractive to a man who isn’t on his game himself.
In an unintentional way perhaps my easy going, nurturing nature and unconditional love has been deceptive to those who have no desire for self improvement.
I will never again tie myself to someone who is content to settle for lukewarm.
